45 Minutes @ The Pants

Before hitting the road for the Red Rock Rendezvous, Josh stopped by a neighborhood favorite for a burger and beer. Monkey Pants is the kind of dive bar you can only find in Tempe. The clientele is an odd mix of college kids, blue collar workers, and questionable barflies. Anyone who wants to drink is welcome at Monkey Pants - but you have to have fun doing it.

Josh thought he was in a hurry so had phoned in a to go order, but once he walked out of the bright evening sun and into the cool recesses of the Pants, time seemed to stop. "Put it on a plate and give me a PBR" he told bartender when she asked about his food. But it was already packed up. He flipped the pop top of his blue ribbon, opened his styrofoam box, and started eating the hand-cut fries.

A half dozen other people sat around the bar. Two beefy guys watched the game, a trio of toothless friends had an aimless conversation going next to them. A couple of working stiffs looked around for someone to talk to. The man next to Josh was already chatting with him when the bartender announced it was time for a shirtless shot. Anyone willing to take their shirt off would get a shot of tequila.

Beefy guy had his off at first word. The lone woman at the bar, one of the toothless trio, didn't think twice before showing everyone her bra. Then oddly, a polite looking college couple came up to the bar, pulled their shirts around their necks, did a shot, then left.

Josh's new buddy continued to talk as the bartender handed him his bill. "Hey, what does this say? How much do I owe?" He asked Josh about his bill. Josh told him the $24 tab was $49. "What!? How much did I drink?" he replied. Josh confessed and they shared a laugh.

In the corner an old man looking like the kookie prospector out of an episode of Little House on the Prairie stared at goldfish in a big tank. "You fishes better be ready to race tonight," he said tapping the glass. The man may have been three sheets to the wind, but he knew his Monkey Pants theme nights.

Josh finished his burger and looked at his watch. It was barely 6 pm, but it was just another night at the Pants.

Thumbs Up

As 2007 came to an end and the days got shorter, Josh's friend Dale proposed a Winter Solstice climb up Tom's Thumb. Little did Josh know that wasn't the only proposal Dale had on his mind.

Josh, Dale and Erin made the drive to North Scottsdale and hiked into the McDowell Mountains to Tom's Thumb, a popular rock looking out over Phoenix. Dale and Erin had done the Treiber's Deception route many times. It's only a 5.7, but its a mental tester starting with a chimney with a nearby rock, then crossing over to reach a flake that may or may not have grass growing from it. Those are just the first move. From there, it's a steady, 140 foot climb trusting feet on the McDowell granite and pumping through two overhangs.

Dale lead carrying his backpack and Josh and Erin followed. Dale usually has his camera in tow, so it wasn't unusual to see him with a pack. But this time, Dale wasn't taking pictures. At the top Josh had his back turned, taking his own shots of the view. When he looked back at his friends, Dale was nervously bending on one knee in front of Erin. Josh couldn't believe it. Dale hadn't said a thing to anyone. Within seconds, Dale pulled a ring from his pocket and asked his girlfriend of more than four years to be his wife. She gave him the thumbs up!

First Customer

It may have been Spring Break for Josh last month, but the seasons had yet to change in some parts of Utah. Josh left the Colorado River and went north on a week-long tour of Utah's national parks. Snow still dusted the red and orange hoodoos of Bryce Canyon like powdered sugar on a Krispie Kreme. The park was nearly deserted, still waiting for warmer days when tourists with cameras and air conditioned cars would make the drive.

After several days of camping and eating meals heated on a tiny burner, Josh craved a home cooked meal. He thought he'd lucked out when he found the Luna Cafe outside Bryce. The little house had an "Open" sign in the window and all the potential for Mom and Pop cookin' up some chicken fried steak inside. Josh walked inside and found Pop working on drywall instead.

"You open?" he asked. Pop hesitated, then said "Sure. Come on in." Two kids in high chairs stared at him as Pop yelled to Mom: "The first customer of the season is here!"

Maybe Josh had time to reconsider the benefits of eating slowly when Mom presented him with last year's burger and fries. As he ate, the two odd children continued to stare at him and he had time to take in the equally strange decor - aliens on the walls, a sign shaped like a spaceship.... Josh didn't stick around long to find out if they wanted him to repopulate their gene pool. He made a quick exit and continued on to Moab.

Dyno-Might!

When it comes to climbing festivals, the Red Rock Rendezvous is at the top of the list. What else could compete with the headline cast of top climbers teaching clinics, the 1,000 people camping in an open field surrounded by the dramatic formations the park is named for, and the Fat Tire truck of beer that pulls up for dinner every night?

Josh made the trip to the park just outside Las Vegas for the first time this year and wasted no time setting up a wind-proof tent, sampling the Fat Tire, learning new self-rescue and multi-pitch skills, and impressing the ladies at the dyno comp.

With some down time on Saturday afternoon, Josh practiced on the dyno wall, then signed up for the first round of competition. He made some impressive jumps to the various holds, hitting at four and five feet and touching an elusive six foot dyno. As the afternoon clinics let out and the crowds started to gather, the second round began. He'd made the cut, and again tried for the six-footer. He didn't make it, but the attempt was good to put him into the third round. He opted to go for a solid five-foot leap and stuck the hold. But others had done well too. It would come down to a battle of the biceps.

The top three finalists had to do as many pull ups as they could. Josh was half way through his plate of the Mexican buffet the festival provided. Would it hold him back? The first finalist pulled five. Josh was up and easily did 15, paused, did another five, then another 6. The crowd was cheering. Could the last contestant beat his 26? At first it looked possible as the finalist pulled an easy 18 before faultering. Pausing he pulled two more, then struggled for a final push before dropping at 21.

Josh had won! He proudly raised his new Metolious hangboard above his head then went back to finish that Mexican food.

Riding the Ryder

Spring Break 2008 started with a wild ride for Josh. He and his friend Matt returned to Ryder Canyon near Lee's Ferry on the Colorado River. It's a tough hike to the canyon and the river, but last year he and Matt caught some great trout. They were eager to get back and a good hike never stopped either one of them.

This year the trout weren't biting, but Josh wasted no time catching something else - a ride down the rapids.

The pair met up with a group of high school students and their river guides making their way down the Colorado. A short chat later and Josh was quickly putting on a life jacket and helmet and jumping into the raft. As they took off, the guide said something about sticking with the raft if it flipped. It was the first Josh had thought of this.

As if on cue, the boat navigated the first set of rapids then hit a pocket and went vertical. Like a scene from the Titanic, Josh held on to the top as the others hit the water, then he jumped clear. There was a second of shock as he hit the icy water, unsure what to do - stay with the raft or swim to shore? There was no time to panic. Most of the kids were underneath the raft, holding on, but Josh saw others making their way to shore. He followed, but the current was strong and he hit an eddy. It pulled him back to the center. There was no use fighting the motion. Regaining his bearings he let it push him out, then swam quickly to shore.

Once on dry land, he stripped down to his boxers to warm up - a trick he'd learned from Man vs. Wild. Shaking and with a big grin on his face, Josh could only imagine what the rest of his week had in store.

(Thanks Matt for the great pix!)